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Living with Adult Children in the Home

The world today is becoming a society is one that has many children taking care of their parents, children that are living with their parents longer and longer, and families that continue to live together in large houses to continue cutting expenses. No matter what the reason for your adult children to be living with you or you living with them, I have a few ideas and tips that are going to make your living situation a little easier to deal with over the next few years. 

When I am talking abut adult children, I mean those children that are over the age of eighteen, who may or may not be in school or college still but they are finding lives of their own while you are still living together as a family. While the entire situation can be difficult you will find that the more you communicate with each other, and respect each others privacy the easier it is going to be for every one to grow, thrive and live less stressful lives. 

We each have our own little habits. While you are living together as one big family, each member is going to have to respect others in the house. What I mean by this is if one person works days, and another is working nights, and still another adult in the household is staying at home to care for the children, everyone is going to need a rest, a break, and a good nap once in a while. Respect each other’s need for time to relax and down time to sleep. This may mean that the house needs to be quiet, or you may not go to their room during this time, but when each person gives each other a little space they need to get through their day. 

If you are living together to save money, both for yourself and for your child, the bills should be discussed and decided upon. It is not fair for one or the other to pay all the bills if everyone in the house is working. Even having one person pay the phone bill, the other pay the cable bill, and another pays the electric bill, the entire system will work itself out and everyone still has a responsibility to contribute to the family as a whole even if is a minor bill. 

While there are parents and children living the same house, the parents are going to have to give up some amount of authority, giving the child the right to make their own choices no matter if they are right or wrong. The only way each of us really learns in life is by making our own choices and getting along together. In getting along and making choices, we have to take the responsibility if the wrong choices are made. Do not try to bail out your adult child or fix their mistakes but allow them to make their own direction and fix their problems. 

In living with a child do not continually contribute to their financial needs, adult children should have a job and not rely on a parent if they are going to continue living at home. Only providing the basic necessities such as roof over their heads and food is enough to force the adult child to want to get a job to have money of their own. 

It will be important that everyone in the house continues to pitch in on the chores. One person can’t be responsible for everyone’s laundry or cleaning or shopping. Everyone should take turns making dinner, going shopping and doing the laundry whenever it is possible. Make the situation work by assigning times that chores are done by others and make it clear what is going to be acceptable for this situation to work from the get go. If you have an adult child living at home and you are still making their supper they will expect it, start with assigning one night a week that they take care of the dinner meal and give yourself one night off a week even if it is going to be take out food!

To make the entire situation work out well for parents living with children, one must realize that adult children are going to need their own space. Retreat to your room to read, watch television and such once in a while and give the family a little bit of their own time. Personal time to fight, love and such is going to be needed and sometimes it is going to be in your best interest not to be in the middle of personal matters so your adult child can learn to deal with problems, fights, and matters on their own without feeling as if you are in the middle. 

While all of this may sound like a lot to deal with, it really isn’t. The entire situation of a parent living with a child or an adult child living at home with the parents is just a matter of respecting each other as an individual and a person without continually thinking that you have to care for them or all of their problems for the situation to be workable. Besides, with the family living together, the bonds between parents and children remain strong and love thrives even through the toughest times in life so it really is worth the try!