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A More Assertive You! Learn to be assertive

Do you feel that others are often taking advantage of you? Are you wanting to express your opinions and your ideas more? Becoming a more assertive person is not something that you are going to be able to accomplish over night, but it is a personal trait that you can make your own with a little work so you can be more assertive in life. 

What really is an assertive person? Assertiveness is self-assurance, self-awareness. Assertiveness is your ability and your willingness to speak up for yourself, act for your own good, and to put your view point out there so others are going to hear and know what you have to say, think and what you feel. 

If you are like me, I used to find it hard to be the center of attention and the focus of a conversation, but no more! I have found that over the last few months, I can be more assertive and I can make my voice be heard, without having to turn red at the same time. Of course, this did take a bit of practice and a little talking to myself in my head but you too can find it easier to express yourself. 

Focus on a central topic or theme that you want to talk about. No matter if you are talking with a mechanic, your boss, your child, or your parent, you can be more assertive by focusing on what you want to say. Learn to talk about a subject and not ‘around’ a subject. 

What I mean is say for example, you know your boss is taking advantage of you staying over time, and she keeps putting more work on your desk so you have to stay later and later. What you need to talk to your boss about is how overwhelmed you are with the work you have and what the solution to this problem is. 

Do not talk about how late you stayed, do not say that you do not like your job, and don’t try and express how stressed you are but cut to the chase. Tell your boss straight out that you do not know how much longer you can keep up this pace, with the quality work she is expecting. Express your concern about the quality of your work is going to decrease if additional work is added to your load. This is assertive talking, focusing on the topic, and not beating around the bush. 

What does it meant to be more assertive? Being assertive means, you are going to confine or constrict your words, actions and your being into meaning what you want it to mean, and nothing less. Being assertive, you stick up for yourself and your feelings. Convey that you are important, and you know what you want. Learn to make decisions and do the actions that put your self interests first. Uphold your personal thoughts, ideas, and feelings, not allowing others to step in on your rights to speak or act. 

Learn to say what you mean and mean what you say. If you say you are going to take off work for the weekend, not to work late on Friday, and then your boss hands you two reports due by Monday – tell him or her that you can’t do it. You have plans that you have had in the works for a month and you have already scheduled to leave town. Do not give in and take the work with you. 

Say what you mean. Tell everyone that you are off this weekend, all week long. When the boss pulls the usual Friday afternoon assignment, just say no and explain that you have already told him/ her that you are off this weekend.

Mean what you say. If you continue to give in to others demands of your time you are not asserting yourself for what is best for you. Ruining your weekend out of town by working is not being assertive and meaning what you say. 

You have the right to say no when you are right. You have the right to believe in what you are doing and others can’t tell you that you have to do it not matter what. If is your regular job, during regular hours, then that is a different matter that you will have to think over. If the task is outside of your responsibilities stick up for your position and quit doing others work for them when then should take on the responsibility their self. 

Putting your life in to perspective and giving your self time to live, enjoy and express yourself is a more positive spin on life which being assertive will do for you. Saying what you mean and meaning what you say will make you feel better about yourself; it will lower your stress and worries. 

Saying what you mean and meaning what you say is going to minimize any misunderstandings and miscommunications making your life much easier to deal with on a day-to-day basis. 

Expressing yourself more effectively is going to reduce stress and propel your career because you are a person that is going to get done what you say you will, when you will, and when it is out of your grasp you will let others know. The stress is gone from your life, no more wondering about ‘how am I going to get this done’.

Becoming more assertive in your career and in your job can help you achieve more, to be in a leadership position because you are no longer a follower – you become a doer, a doer of what you say. 

Practice one new assertive sentence each day until you have made it a real habit to say what you mean and mean what you say when it is said. After a few days, the process is easier than ever and your passiveness will be left behind. Make sure your thoughts, feelings, ideas, and techniques are heard by expressing yourself with assertiveness.